Welcome to the plus side of life

This is a rant and yes you too can vent in the comments.  I'm honestly tired of my neighbours generators. Why can't they throw that piece of shit into the fucking dumpster where it belongs?  I haven't gone on leave in 2 years (because change in jobs) and I swear to gawd I. AM. SO. DAMN. TIRED! My celibacy has not been a walk in the park and I'm tired of people asking.... Why are you still celibate?" Sorry o, I didn't know I owed you a detailed report on my sexual life. I'm tired of power failures, fuel scarcity, high cost of living, zero value for life, high tolerance for corruption, heat wave, mosquitoes, and the list goes on..) I'm tired of stupid people who give their fucking unsolicited opinion when they see you workout.. Who asked you? I'm tired of people who think shouting will make any difference. comme des fuck down and let us have a civil conversation. I am frigging tired of shit for brains individuals that think t

And so I made a list.. Just like the next girl A list of the qualities i required in a man He just had to have them. I mean c'mon! I tried to pray/decree my way into having the perfect man But God wasn't having any of that... I imagined him seated on his glorious throne saying 'You gotta put in some work baby girl" And put in work i had to do! Because this masterpiece in its unrefined stage that I am is waiting to be unravelled to the world in all of its maximum awesomeness. Chiseling myself into the person I aspire to be Investing quality time and energy into bringing out my best self You see, self love is one of the major keys to success. Self love will make you realise that before you get "Relationship goals", you should get some "Life goals" Life goals means you being stable financially, spiritually, emotionally and mentally. So, before you enter something brand new, pray to be the best version of YOU there is.

Do you guys know of "The Vagina song" by Weird Al Yankovic? I first heard it from my sick friend, Ukachi  during our pre-degree days.You can listen to it here  . That song comes to mind as i write this. Anyways, that's by the way. It isn't the crux of this blog post. So yesterday, the loonies i work with were talking about the poochie , its size, strength, depth and of course, smell! As usual, the guys gave several hilarious stories from how they've had to turn down a girl they'd been chasing for months, the moment she dropped her panties to the one who had so much space going on in her " Jerusalem"  they could conveniently pack a minivan there. Now imagine a meal prepared for you to eat, neatly served with the best porcelain. Some caviar shit! You uncover the dish and a stench worse than ammonia hits you! That motherfucker is on some asthma shit. Its about to take your breath away. Not today satan! That is exactly what it is when your outfit

A while back,  i went to the mall and i walked past a Cartier shop. Being the inquisitive one, i entered and while i was i was there, i sighted this yummy bag. It called my name and as the polite girl i am, i responded We formed an immediate bond. it was love at first sight! Croc leather, perfect detailing, it spoke tons and tons of sophistication... Some Karl Largerfield shit. Google this Binsh! (Cartier crocodile handbag) It was the perfect arm candy to flaunt in your haters faces so they could hate on you some more. I called on the shop attendant to inquire how much it would cost me to take my new found love home She smiled and said the price is attached ma'am... I bent a little, looked at the price over 300k *gulps* Hollup! This bag eez cost! I will set up a lucrative business with this bag This arm candy is arm robbery.. sorry bag robbery... You should NEVER! EVER have to ride the bus with that bag! I began to devise an exit strategy? Do yo

Just look at that life-giving plate of deliciousness! I was at a friend's birthday event last week and while i was minding my business as usual (not), my gaze landed and was fixed on a particular young couple. Probably in their late twenties or early thirties and newly weds. They were practically all over each other, a little side bar here, a little giggle there and i couldn't help but admire them. Small chops was served round and my favorite couple had a plate to themselves too. While i threw a ball of puff-puff into my mouth (hoping a hunk would be in the corner admiring the way i ate puff-puff too), i was watching them eat as well... (Just so we're clear, its not my practice to stare at people, there was just something about the girl's brows, so perfectly defined that made me want to ask for tutorials.. (Have you guys seen my new eyebrows by the way? Mo ti good gan! Sorry, i digress.. back to our story.. Yeah, the loved up couple.. Now they were left to the

How long does it take to heal? Really... how long? My life had been on some non explainable pause/slow mo for a couple of years Series of inconsistencies with my health, walk with God and this excruciatingly long period of lethargy rubbed off on my finances, career, relationship with people and even decision makings I let things happen to me and i was 'OK' with it Life seemed like a blurry movie and i was unsure of what my role was I was approaching the tail end of my 20's and my youth didn't feel as great as the blogs/books said it would/ Should Day after day, it was the same thing; Work, eat, sleep, get on social media (A lot!), once a while, hang out with friends, read a little, exercise sometimes, and on the cycle went I was tired and i needed answers! I obviously wasn't put on God's beautiful earth just to pay bills and die. The books said, the twenties were the transformative years for the late bloomers but baby girl'