Welcome to the plus side of life

Do you guys know of "The Vagina song" by Weird Al Yankovic? I first heard it from my sick friend, Ukachi  during our pre-degree days.You can listen to it here  . That song comes to mind as i write this. Anyways, that's by the way. It isn't the crux of this blog post. So yesterday, the loonies i work with were talking about the poochie , its size, strength, depth and of course, smell! As usual, the guys gave several hilarious stories from how they've had to turn down a girl they'd been chasing for months, the moment she dropped her panties to the one who had so much space going on in her " Jerusalem"  they could conveniently pack a minivan there. Now imagine a meal prepared for you to eat, neatly served with the best porcelain. Some caviar shit! You uncover the dish and a stench worse than ammonia hits you! That motherfucker is on some asthma shit. Its about to take your breath away. Not today satan! That is exactly what it is when your outfit...

A while back,  i went to the mall and i walked past a Cartier shop. Being the inquisitive one, i entered and while i was i was there, i sighted this yummy bag. It called my name and as the polite girl i am, i responded We formed an immediate bond. it was love at first sight! Croc leather, perfect detailing, it spoke tons and tons of sophistication... Some Karl Largerfield shit. Google this Binsh! (Cartier crocodile handbag) It was the perfect arm candy to flaunt in your haters faces so they could hate on you some more. I called on the shop attendant to inquire how much it would cost me to take my new found love home She smiled and said the price is attached ma'am... I bent a little, looked at the price over 300k *gulps* Hollup! This bag eez cost! I will set up a lucrative business with this bag This arm candy is arm robbery.. sorry bag robbery... You should NEVER! EVER have to ride the bus with that bag! I began to devise an exit strategy? Do yo...

Just look at that life-giving plate of deliciousness! I was at a friend's birthday event last week and while i was minding my business as usual (not), my gaze landed and was fixed on a particular young couple. Probably in their late twenties or early thirties and newly weds. They were practically all over each other, a little side bar here, a little giggle there and i couldn't help but admire them. Small chops was served round and my favorite couple had a plate to themselves too. While i threw a ball of puff-puff into my mouth (hoping a hunk would be in the corner admiring the way i ate puff-puff too), i was watching them eat as well... (Just so we're clear, its not my practice to stare at people, there was just something about the girl's brows, so perfectly defined that made me want to ask for tutorials.. (Have you guys seen my new eyebrows by the way? Mo ti good gan! Sorry, i digress.. back to our story.. Yeah, the loved up couple.. Now they were left to the...

How long does it take to heal? Really... how long? My life had been on some non explainable pause/slow mo for a couple of years Series of inconsistencies with my health, walk with God and this excruciatingly long period of lethargy rubbed off on my finances, career, relationship with people and even decision makings I let things happen to me and i was 'OK' with it Life seemed like a blurry movie and i was unsure of what my role was I was approaching the tail end of my 20's and my youth didn't feel as great as the blogs/books said it would/ Should Day after day, it was the same thing; Work, eat, sleep, get on social media (A lot!), once a while, hang out with friends, read a little, exercise sometimes, and on the cycle went I was tired and i needed answers! I obviously wasn't put on God's beautiful earth just to pay bills and die. The books said, the twenties were the transformative years for the late bloomers but baby girl'...

VACANCY! VACANCY!! VACANCY!!! The owner of this fabulous blog requires the post of a snuggle Buddy in her  ognization.  Post Title:               Snuggle Buddy Location:                Maryland, Ikeja.  *Candidates residing on the Island can also apply* Post Description:    The Job among others will include Spooning, Cuddling (Duh!), hugging and the occasional kiss.. This however doesn't qualify us as a couple. Candidate must possess at least 5 years experience in cuddling with the ability to adapt to new styles and techniques. Candidate must be prepared to work extra hours and do shifts. (We are not here to play) The right candidate must possess at least a B.Sc, have a good command of the English language as he could be called on during sessions to join in a conversation and failure to be able to express himself properly and improper uses of tenses will result in immediate d...

Sometimes, you shouldn't have dialled that number; just scroll past that certain name Sometimes, you shouldn't have stored that contact Sometimes, you should have declined that lunch date that led to a long stare and sheepishly smile Sometimes, you shouldn't have bottled up your emotions Sometimes, you should have allowed your cab guy come pick you instead Sometimes, you should have stopped at drink number one Sometimes, you should have refused to see that movie Sometimes, you should have attended midweek service (like you were supposed to) Sometimes, you shouldn't have allowed the conversation get deep and lengthy Sometimes, you shouldn't have given access to your mumu button Sometimes, you should have rejected that gift Sometimes, you should let the holy spirit lead you rather than you intuition Sometimes, that long hug should never have happened Sometimes, those lips should never have touched Sometimes, you should have ended the day...