HELLO SEPTEMBER!!! #LiveLovePray

Happy new month Lovelies!!! I pray its a September to remember forever..( see me dropping bars ooshheeyy!!!)  After an incredibly productive week, I'm looking forward to slowing it down with a little retail therapy.. Just itsy bitsy retail therapy; nothing major.

Just like Kermit the Frog, I was minding my business as usual on Twitter during the course of the week. I wanted to engage in a discussion on Twitter about Single and Independent women but my Bomb ass tea wouldn't let me.LOL. The issue was causing a lot of rancour so I changed my mind and watched from the side as the guys went back and forth on the issue. Besides, I didn't want my mentions to become a reunion site.



Well, I wrote the topic down in my journal and tried to gather a few Intel from some male friends and colleagues afterwards..by the way, you can follow me on twitter @phunmillionaire. This particular dude felt threatened because he went on a blind date with a girl and then when the date was over, he realised the girl had a car. Then he tweeted "The girl get car wey i still dey rock leggedisbenz. Na to go look for anoda babe sure pass" In a matter of seconds, his goons on Twitter pounced on the Tweet and finished him!

Now, my questions are "Why are Nigerian Men afraid of strong, independent and highly educated women?" "Why are so many successful ladies unmarried?" Have the Men suddenly become Lily livered? whatapun gaangan???  *humming Ne-yo's Miss Independent*

I'm going to be sharing with you an extract from article my mentor +Leke Alder wrote. " Ok, Lets name her Jessica. Jessica is  Beautiful, was educated in an ivy League school, intellectual, has a gift of fierce intelligence and lovable but not many can see this feature of hers.All they see is the headstrong, no-nonsense, and fierce outlook lady. She's a sentimental, a romantic but its camouflaged by busyness.

She seems to have taken an inspiration from God on the documented life. God has a Book of Life, she created a journal of life. God records names and acts in his book. She does in hers too. Her journal is highly confidential, just like God's. It's so intimate she guards it with her life. It's a diary cum emotional dump. It's full of stories, and chronicles, and reflections... Soliloquies of the mind. Her pains, her triumphs, her loves... the near misses and infatuations; wishes, prayers, desires... All are in there. 

Surely the thought of loss of such a book must put incredible pressure on one. Once when the book appeared lost she went into panic, her countenance a signature reflection of terror. But it wasn't lost. She nonetheless derives secret joy from the secret of keeping a secret book. The book is some form of catharsis. It's full of secrets - secret joys and secret pains.

And when at family gatherings, someone will inevitably utter a prayer for "your own husband" as if there's any other type of husband. Some wont even resist the temptation of making one a topical prayer point.She also records what no one wants to talk about: her sexual pressures. She records her Friday Night tears... on Friday nights - no one taking her out, all alone by herself. She records the difficulty of being alone. (Even her recording sometimes feels sorry for her). She records having no one with proprietary claim over her heart; the aloneness of going to the movies alone; of dating the available not the wanted. 

It's a source of tempting pressure for her: should she marry to get married, or should she keep hoping her man will come? Should she wait for the appearance of love, or cruelly crush her ideals on the concrete block of pragmatism? She misses not being able to share her dreams with someone, not being able to snuggle up with someone; receiving presents from that special someone, even fighting with someone! Most importantly, she doesn't have the joy of conversing about starting a home with that someone, of having his babies. Don't care how strong you are, that will get to you after a baby shower or two. Or a bachelorette's party or two.

Some describe her as independent, but what else could she be? She IS independent! She's alone! Independence is a party of one! You can't be dependent if there's nobody to depend on. She's not independent because of her intellectual pedigree or background. When you're alone you rely on yourself. There's the planning of vacation for just one; the falling in love with places and atmospheres as just one. There's always the hope you'll meet someone on those trips. That's what the movies say, right? Then there's the shameless longing in your thoughts for another woman's man, when your thoughts reek of sin. Though it clashes with morality, the thought is nonetheless entertained and dwelt upon, in video. Loneliness produces distortions and conflictions. You begin to see the otherwise unimaginable you.

She once fell in love with a married man. (When recollection of that comes she covers her face in her thoughts). And she's been the hapless target of a young man out for commercial and sexual exploitation. And someone is always trying to fix you up with "my cousin coming in from the States"

She's afraid of being trapped with the wrong person. She doesn't want to be obligated to the wrong person. She wants to keep her word when she gives it."

OK, Listen up,I'm of the school of thought that marriage isn't for everyone. Sue me. But not everyone will get married. As a woman, do I feel pressured to be a Mrs even at this my small age?! Of course I do! I may not give in to it, but I feel it immensely. I mean I'm not even 26 yet and I'm being pressured this much, How much more those older than me! Anytime I come home with an aso-ebi, my Mum always feels the need to have a Heart-2-Heart and then she'll say its because I want them to buy my own that"s why I'm buying it o! and then go on to say  "When will you pick one of these guys" I know I'm not the only one to have had this type of conversation with their Mum. She will then come into my room to Pray. If I Miss the Husband prayer point, She will help me complete it! 

There's also the case of the pesky family Members AKA Tojuboles.. These set right here ehn.. Le Worst! They then remind you of how at your age, they already had their first born. Story for the gods. *side eye* and tell you to hurry up cos you gorrah born pikin! Blah di blah blah!  If you know how many 'my own too will come" comments I read on a daily on the Bellanaija instagram page ehn? #Sigh

I know the Men will tell me that most Independent Ladies are not submissive.. OK my brother, let me ask you this: Are you worthy of submission? Are you an adequate provider?Are you hard-working? Are you Loving and caring? If you are all of these, then the woman will naturally submit without asking her to. 

It may seem as a bruise on your Ego as men as you have to be the provider to a certain extent while she supports. Although I know quite a few men who appreciate an Independent woman and would gladly date one But in recent times, Men run at the sight of an Independent woman. I probably have to conduct an extensive research before I conclude anyways.

Back to my dear single women, Marriage is not a criteria for making heaven plus dem no dey catch late comer! Being single means working on yourself for your partner. I want my children to be super proud to have me as a Mum so I constantly have to improve myself.What do you do? I'd say do what you've always done: Encourage yourself, make the most of your career, business. Dress well, go out with the girls, party, watch movies, television, travel,get a hobby... Of course rejoice with those who rejoice. Dream every night, hope every day. Someday your knight will come. He may be in shining armour, or suit or jeans. Until then, live, pray, love!

Later my Lovelies, Have a fabulous weekend ahead! I intend to!!! I appreciate your feedback  xoxo